In the first of a series offering well-meant unasked advice to the prominent, Emma G Keller warns Ricky Gervais
Third time's a charm. Ricky Gervais hosts the 2011 Golden Globes Photograph: Handout/Getty Images
Dear Ricky,
Sunday's a big night for you, and to be honest we're the teensiest bit concerned. Ever since we heard that the Hollywood Foreign Press Association called you back to host the Golden Globe Awards for the third time, we've been a little on edge. How can we explain this to you nicely? You were funnier when you were fat. Now that you've slimmed down you've gone all shouty and worthy on us.
Your blog is filled with rants against fundamentalists and animal abusers. Your tweets are weird. Last year's Globes appearance was joke-lite and that was before you completely disappeared half way through the show. What were you doing backstage all that time? Eating your feelings?
Listen, we're happy for you to have a dig – or as Robert Downey Jr put it be "hugely mean-spirited" – to the celebs in the room on Sunday. But we – yes us, the 200 million people watching at home – like the occasional laugh in our three-hour live broadcasts. So here are some tips to help get you back on the humor track.
SLOW DOWN… your Twitter output starting this minute. You need to be in full comedian mode. So write jokes, not tweets. In any case we follow comedians on Twitter for laughs not for tweets like your 'Joking aside now. How fucking disgusting is it of that cunt to tell a rape victim they are a murderer for not wanting that child. Pure evil.'
Ricky, for you, there is no joking aside now.
HAVE FUN JOKING ABOUT… TinTin. Cars 2. Alec Baldwin playing Words With Friends on a plane. Rupert Murdoch's Twitter account. Wendi Deng's fake one. Demi Moore as Gloria Steinem in the upcoming Linda Lovelace movie. Globe nominees Meryl as Maggie and Leonardo as J Edgar.
Piers Morgan. Donald Trump. The Justin Bieber baby. The Justin Bieber movie. War Horse. Anything else by Steven Spielberg. Lindsay Lohan's teeth. Or other body parts. Dragon tattoos. Any real or fake housewife. Celebrity divorces, (Ashton and Demi, Russell and Katy, J Lo and Marc, Arnold and Maria, Kim and Kris). George Clooney's perennial on-again-off-again single status. Gay marriages. Royal marriages. W.E. All the Republican Presidential candidates.
PLEASE DON'T MENTION… Any show or movie you have ever made, written or starred in. Especially The Office. Or your 2011 Golden Globes performance. Don't plug your upcoming HBO series, "Life's Too Short." Why not? Well, we don't want to find out that the BBC has already cancelled it.
Also, drop the Steve Carrell superstar schtick.
DO START… A Stephen Merchant superstar schtick. He's grown out of being your sidekick. And do a turn with Bridesmaids superstar, Kristen Wiig. She can give anyone a comic lift.
DON'T SHOW US… DVDs of your past work. A glass of beer. A Kardashian.
DO SHOW US… All the Brit nominees – Downton Abbey, The Hour, Damian Lewis, Kate Winslet (if you must), Janet McTeer, Kenneth Branagh, Hugh Bonneville, Dominic West, Emily Watson, Romola Garai, Bill Nighy, Maggie Smith.
Oh, and single out Ryan Gosling – he's not a Brit, but he is a beaut. Make a few jokes about him so the camera heads his way. We might not laugh but we'll beam with pleasure.
Good luck!
Emma
XOXO
http://www.guardian.co.uk/culture/filmblog/2012/jan/13/ricky-gervais-golden-globes-host?CMP=NECNETTXT8187
1 comment:
Ricky, darling, don't listen to the Brits. You were effing hilarious and you put Hollywood in its sad, tiny, delusional little place. We loved you for that. Go ahead and plug any damn thing you want. You, my dear, are far funnier than just about anyone here in the States, and I had vowed never to watch the stupid, useless Globes again when they "fired" you. Now you're back and so am I. Start with a giant fake apology that goes on for a few minutes, then do a spit take and talk about the tackiest actor in the room. Love ya babe!
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